LET'S NOT BE A DICK TODAY

THE RE-TARDY

Someone who is tardy again and again.

THE TIME BOMBER

Someone who expects you to help them without warning.

THE BENCHER

Someone who doesn’t respond to invitations.

THE MAGICIAN

Someone who disappears.

THE ORGANISER

An organiser who doesn’t know what’s happening.

THE INCEPTOR

Someone who expects you to read their mind.

THE ASSISTANT

Someone who offers assistance but arrives too late to help.

THE WEDDING PLANNER

A couple that holds their wedding on a weekday.

THE COMPANION

Someone who chooses next to you over every other free space.

THE ROCKSTAR

Someone who never considers the parking needs of others.

THE INTIMIDATOR

Someone who uses intimidation to get their way.

THE INFLUENCER

Someone who acts as though they are a social media influencer.

THE QUOTER

Someone who reposts a comment they made.

THE ANCHOR

Someone who spreads misinformation.

THE MODEL CITIZEN

Someone who does a good deed and tells everyone.

THE PYRAMID TEAMER

Someone who wants to help you but it’s a pyramid scheme.

THE THESPIAN

Someone who is over-dramatic to seek attention.

THE FISHER

Someone who constantly fishes for compliments.

THE OVERSHARER

Someone who shares everything on social media.

THE PROFESSOR

Someone who delivers unsolicited lectures.

THE BUTTER

Someone who interrupts you in conversation.

THE SHOULDER JUMPER

Someone who is indecisive, especially with simple decisions.

THE NO SHO’

Someone who disagrees with every option but won’t contribute.

THE SEAMUS

Someone who criticises the appearance or choices of others.

THE DESIGNER

Someone who criticises the clothing choices of others.

THE LEECH

Someone who sucks away your confidence.

THE HOLINAYER

Someone who won’t let you enjoy a holiday.

THE JUDGE

Someone who dismisses suggestions without consideration.

THE CONVERTER

Someone who tries to convert people, often to a religion.

THE PLOT WHOLE FILLER

Someone who talks at a vital moment.

THE FINE WHINER

Someone who complains after receiving a fine.

THE COMPLAINER

Someone who complains but won’t make improvements.

THE HOMOPROBE

Someone who makes a big deal of someone coming out.

THE WHATABOUTA

Someone who complains that you’re not doing something else.

THE SUBMARINER

Someone who shares opinions for social approval.

THE SOCIAL DICTATOR

Someone who shames others for not being as active as them.

THE PROTEST PROTESTER

Someone who says your cause isn’t good or far enough.

THE SOCIALIST JUSTICE WARRIOR

Someone with a great wage who complains about cost of living.

THE LOVE GOD

Someone who prefers peace and love instead of meanies.

THE TABLER

Someone who purposely talks about controversial topics.

THE CHALLENGER

Someone who argues about issues they know nothing about.

THE GRAMMAR NAZI

Someone who always corrects someone’s grammar.

THE GRAMMAR NO-ZI

Someone who doesn’t bother to learn basic grammar.

THE WEEKLY PLANNER

Someone who says “See you next Tuesday”.

THE CUNTSTABLE

Someone who detests the word “cunt”.

THE RACONTEUR

Someone who tells others’ stories, but poorly.

THE FOREIGNER

Someone who speaks with a fake accent to appear interesting.

THE NEXT GENNER

Someone who uses a younger generation’s slang to sound cool.

THE NICKNAMER

Someone who uses childish nicknames for adults.

THE CLEANER

Someone who complains the house isn’t clean enough.

THE LIFTER

Someone who leaves the toilet seat up in a shared bathroom.

THE ROLL ROLLER

Someone who doesn't replace the toilet roll.

THE FRIDGE PACKER

Someone who leaves empty containers in the fridge.

THE CONTRADICTOR

Someone who sets rules but they only apply to you.

THE GATEKEEPER

Someone who must give you permission to use amenities.

THE DICK PIC-ER

Someone who sends unsolicited pictures.

THE WITNESS

Someone who doesn’t respond to time-sensitive communication.

THE P.O.W

Someone who is actively texting then suddenly stops.

THE INTERNET

Someone who is always connected to their phone.

THE PROJECTOR

Someone who talks loudly - especially on the phone.

THE LOUDSPEAKER

Someone who uses the phone’s loudspeaker in public spaces.

THE DICTAPHONE

Someone who leaves long voicemail messages/voice notes.

THE BESTIE

Someone who sends long, emotional messages to acquaintances.

THE TAPPER

Someone who sends multiple messages in a chat.

THE HAGGLER

Someone who barters inappropriately.

THE DISCOUNTER

Someone who always asks for a discount.

THE YAPPER

Someone who continues to talk on the phone when being served.

THE SQUATTER

Someone who speaks to the checkout assistant for too long.

THE RECOMMENDER

Someone who recommends a product they would never buy.

THE TRAINER

Someone who is an expert on a product but asks for assistance.

THE CYCLIST

Someone who is “superior” because they’re a cyclist.

THE BUTTON PUSHER

Someone who pushes the crossing button after they have crossed.

THE ZOMBIE

Someone who walks slowly in front of you.

THE BAG SEAT RIDER

Someone who places their personal belongings on seats.

THE TOOTER

The passenger of a vehicle who reaches over to toot the horn.

THE EARLY BLOWER

Someone who will blow their horn prematurely.

THE BUFFERING GPS

Someone who tells you to turn… back there.

THE PUBLIC MASTICATOR

Someone who chews loudly, with their mouth open, or both.

THE PICKER

Someone who takes the best piece of food first.

THE CRUMB MERCHANT

Someone who doesn’t clean up after eating.

THE ODOURVE

Someone who eats smelly food in public.

THE MENU TWEAKER

Someone whose dietary requirements affect an entire party.

THE FERMENTOR

Someone who doesn’t clean up their pet’s poop in public.

THE PUNCHLINE PUNCHER

Someone who ruins the punchlines of jokes.

THE PRETENTIOUS BOUNCER

A bouncer who enforces higher than necessary standards.

THE DWARF

Someone who buys a smaller drink as part of a shout.

THE STAND-IN

Someone who stands where you were standing.

THE CUTTER

Someone who cuts in a line.

THE FAR QUEUER

Someone who believes they don’t need to join a line.

THE CLIPPER

Someone who trims their toenails in public.

THE SQUIRTER

Someone who applies a heavy amount of perfume.

THE SUPER SPREADER

Someone who doesn’t cover their mouth when coughing.

THE CHIMNEY

Someone who smokes around non-smokers.

THE MATCHFAKER

Someone who says they’ll set up a single friend but doesn’t.

THE EIGHT BALL

Someone who decides your future.

THE SHOWER CURTAIN

Someone who doesn’t respect the personal space of others.

THE RELOCATOR

Someone who makes a family move after settling.

THE BABY MOMMA

Someone who uses baby talk in adult settings.

THE GURU

Someone who tells a parent how to parent.

THE NUN

Someone who disciplines other parents’ kids.

THE BYSTANDER

A parent who watches on instead of doing something/anything.

THE MVP

The parent of a child that is developing faster than yours.